


they make 'em bigger in russia

by friedgalaxies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cousins, Datekougyou | Date Tech, Gen, Nekoma, Training Camp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:55:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedgalaxies/pseuds/friedgalaxies
Summary: Aone Takanobu has a big family. A very big, very Russian family.
Relationships: Aone Takanobu & Futakuchi Kenji, Aone Takanobu & Haiba Lev
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	they make 'em bigger in russia

**Author's Note:**

> this is just silly honestly but i wanted to write it out before the idea left my head. i hope it makes you laugh!

“Takanobu-juukei!”

Takanobu can’t say he doesn’t expect the shout from across the campus as Datekou begins disembarking from the team bus upon parking in the Shinsen lot, some team members swaying and rubbing sleep from their eyes like a hoard of sleep-addled volleyball zombies. Sasaya in particular is more drowsy than the rest, leaning against Kamasaki. A few first years filtering around Takanobu and Kenji where they stand like monoliths in the crowd wince when Sasaya’s shoulders pop particularly loud as he stretches.

However, he was more than a little hoping it would at least happen within the confines of the gym, or within the school proper where they’d be sleeping, instead of echoing around the entirety of the Shinsen grounds like a war cry. Takanobu can feel the confused stare Kenji is levelling into the side of his head, because the slight droop to Takanobu’s shoulders is equivalent to a hangdog look on anyone else. There’s a few confused mutters amongst the crowd, and it’s when Kamasaki starts to cackle that Takanobu knows his cousin is coming in like an embarrassment-seeking missile.

He braces just in time for Lev Haiba, Nekoma first year and their #11, to collide directly into him, wrapping all his lanky limbs around Takanobu’s body like a particularly pale octopus. Takanobu only stumbles a little, thankfully, and brings up a hand to grab at the back of Lev’s shirt like he’s a misbehaving kitten.

The first time Datekou has ever been invited to the Fukurodani Academy group training camp, all thanks to Karasuno, and Lev has already made sure that Takanobu won’t hear the end of it from his teammates for _weeks_ at the very least.

“Takanobu-juukei!” Lev repeats, looking up at Takanobu, because with the way he’s clinging like a baby koala gravity has gradually started to pull him in a pavement-seeking descent. Takanobu tries not to think how funny it would be for Lev to fall on his ass right now and focuses on himself not doing the same.

He levels Lev with a Look that hopefully communicates, _you aren’t twelve anymore, please stop doing this,_ without actually having to say it.

The crowd is quiet, aside from Kamasaki’s cackling. The group gradually starts to laugh. Takanobu has never felt more betrayed than he is when he hears Kenji’s quiet, barely stifled titters. Takanobu’s face begins rapidly approaching the shade of a ripe tomato, made all the more prevalent by his complete absence of melanin.

Lev finally seems to take the hint, peeling himself off of Takanobu to stand under his own power. He still slouches, Takanobu notes.

“It’s so good to see you, Takanobu-juukei!” Lev chirps, patting off Takanobu’s shoulders of invisible dust. Takanobu grunts, because they literally saw each other just last week when the Haibas came for dinner at the Aone household. Lev slaps both hands over his mouth with enough force that it echoes. Takanobu winces, mostly internally. “Oh! Should I not call you that around the team? Should I call you ‘senpai’ instead?”

Takanobu’s frown deepens in a way he hopes reads as, _please don’t._ Out of all of his family members, Lev is probably the least adept at reading him, though any of his family will always be better at it than most people.

(Except Kenji. Kenji has always been the best at reading and communicating with Takanobu, and always will be.)

Kenji is full on laughing now. Takanobu glares at him, though the effect is probably ruined by the pink still lingering on his ears. Mai swoops in to save the day, as she always does, the eternal reason that the team has not gone down in flames. She elbows Kenji in the ribs, harshly enough that he doubles over with the impact, laugh rapidly approaching the territory of a wheeze.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not that funny, _Kenji-juutei._ ” Mai snarks, sly grin curling into the corner of her mouth. Takanobu subtly raises his fist for a bump. Mai complies. Kenji continues to wheeze, though he appears to be attempting to form words. Lev is still there, grinning benignly.

Takanobu thinks they may be able to get the team moving in the direction of the gym without Oiwake-kantoku yelling at them to get their asses in gear before he makes them, but then Nekoma’s captain comes strolling up, all half-lidded eyes and cat-like grin and trailing several other Nekoma members. Takanobu sighs, somewhere deep in his soul.

“Oi, Lev, this was the cousin you were telling us all about?” the captain, Kuroo Tetsurou, Nekoma’s #1, drawls in way that feels oddly similar to Onagawa’s. Except Kuroo is Tokyo-accented, clearly having lived in the city all his life, and there’s more of a malicious than sleepy intent like Takanobu is used to with his teammate. Lev perks up, eager to embarrass Takanobu even more, and this time in front of near complete strangers.

“Yeah, Aone Takanobu! He’s #7 on Datekou’s team-- he’s a core part of the iron wall, you know!” Lev chatters brightly, as per usual. Takanobu supposes he might as well bow if he’s being introduced, so he does. Kenji has finally tamped down his wheeze-laugh and gives them one of his trademark smarmy grins. Takanobu raises a hand warningly. Kenji bows a little, though his expression doesn’t change.

“Hey, no need for formality,” Kuroo says, holding his hands up placatingly. He swings an arm around Lev’s shoulders, pulling the guy down to his level. “This guy has told us all about you. Is it true your mom and his dad are both Russian?”

Takanobu nods. It’s an easily known fact about him, along with the number of his many older siblings. Kenji shoves his hands in his pockets, strolling nonchalantly in the direction of the gym as Moniwa finally, _finally,_ gets the herd moving from the back. An arm slings around Takanobu’s shoulders and Kamasaki’s grinning face pops up in his periphery, Sasaya on his other side.

“Hey, how come you never told us you had a cousin on the Nekoma team?” Kamasaki leers, though it’s probably good natured. Probably.

Takanobu shrugs. Kamasaki’s arm stays valiantly attached to his shoulders. Kenji’s hands have moved to the back of his head, long fingers knit together. “Hey, to be fair, you never asked. Bet you don’t even know how many siblings he’s got.”

“Five!” Kamasaki all but shouts with the confidence of someone who doesn’t know he’s wrong. Kenji sneers.

“Four, dipshit. He’s the youngest of five.”

“Wow, you’re the youngest? Height must really run in the family.” Kuroo comments.

“Actually,” Lev interjects, “his siblings are all shorter than him. And his mom is tiny! Even smaller than you, Yaku-senpai!”

Nekoma’s third year libero growls from Kuroo’s other side and aims a kick at the back of Lev’s knees. He stumbles, almost dragging Kuroo down with him. Takanobu walks faster, Kenji easily keeping pace with him as they leave the rabble-rousing behind, the sounds of Kamasaki attempting to pick a fight with someone (or probably everyone) on the Nekoma team getting louder the more distance they put between them.

“This is gonna be a long week, huh?” Kenji comments. Takanobu nods, sighing.

It really, really will be.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed! this was literally borne of the idea "hey wouldn't it be funny if lev and aone were cousins" so i slammed it out in less than an hour and here it is. as always, comments, concrit, and questions are always appreciated! <3
> 
> ps. in case it wasn't clear futakuchi and mai are also cousins. futakuchi is younger, so his honorific is "juutei" instead of the one lev uses to address aone as his elder male cousin, "juukei"


End file.
